An Extensive List of 10 Cool and 10 Uncool Things I’ve Done Since My Last Birthday
I do this every year and it's usually a collection of things I've learnt. But because I’ve spent most of this past year of my life in a mostly stagnant cycle, I’ve frankly spent more time moping than reflection. So instead, I present a list of cool (and uncool) things I've done since my last birthday.
—
Cool Things I’ve Done Since the Last 19th July
I graduated! And have a diploma instead of a PSLE cert as my highest academic qualification. I also graduated well! And it's something I refuse to allow my Imposter Syndrome to eat up because I worked, and will own those points.
I published a book! I remember starting the compilation process and getting frustrated with Microsoft Word margins. I remember editing badly written poems into the night, and giving up when i realised some were unsalvageable. I remember panicking the day of its release, and dishing out a badly edited trailer. But i envisioned and materialised 😎
I appeared on national television. “All press is good press (?)”, and 31k views on Youtube is... what it is. Sometimes my compulsive "yes-woman" tendencies help me embrace my opportunistic nature. I came to know of the interview and agreed to it jokingly, in my pyjamas, not knowing it was a video interview happening in the next 45-minutes. But I got through it! And while I don’t want to read any of the comments or rewatch it ever again, I’d like to believe I did a decent job.
I had lunch with one of the few people i actually look up to: Amanda Chong. I dont feel passionate about a lot of causes but her 2017 speech about the Singapore arts scene makes me tear. An eloquent writer; a powerful OL-boss lady. Still surreal.
I interviewed LANY! Or maybe just Paul, but i got to talk to him properly despite having never being the pretty girl in the crowd that gets the frontman’s attention at a concert. Surreal experience as well, and I still haven’t processed it properly. I actually managed to surprise/humour him with one of my questions, so I’ll take that as a win.
Out of my manyyyyy post-IB goals, tutoring was one of them, and while tiring at times, being able to impart knowledge and impact others makes it worth it! I got a student from a grade 1 (equivalent of an F essentially) to a grade 5 (i.e. a C). While an inherently impatient person I learnt to see topics from a different perspective and to be patient. I’m so glad it paid off in tangible grades. She was ecstatic as well, and she’s going straight to Art School in New York!
On that tangent, I’ve had the privilege of doing a ton of workshops and talks in the IBlieve community. Again, it’s surreal to see how large the community is; and how far the reach is. Almost all of them are from different continents. I unexpectedly woke up to about 30 birthday wishes and my heart melted 🥺
I actually recently reached a financial milestone I once thought was impossible and ridiculously ambitious sometime this year. I sometimes question how "worth it" it is, as I term, to ‘chase coin’. And while in this past few months of working I've gradually realised doing it for the sake of doing it is unsustainable, as someone who wants to move out eventually...it's undeniably satisfying.
On that note! I also got awarded a scholarship, meaning (assuming I maintain my grades and don’t engage in illicit activities…) I could actually graduate debt-free. What the heck!!
Last one. Not necessarily cool to you, but cool to me: I'm always surprised when people remember my birthday because it feels entitled to expect anything. But it's nice to be visible and reminded that i have people who celebrate my existence, albeit not in a loud way (which I don’t desire anyway). No party poppers, pounding R&B music in the background, or alcohol (maybe one beer). Just dinner with an old friend, catching up on the past months events.
UNcool Things I’ve Done Since the Last 19th July
i bombed sooo many interviews, applied for sooo many government scholarships just to realise it isn’t what I really want. I also got awarded none of them. It sounds insignificant when condensed into two sentences, but I thought about so many of these interviews constantly for 96 hours, cringing until the embarrassment finally dissipated. Anyway, I don’t think I’m ‘linear’ enough for the government, and I think they sussed it out. I also need more than 24-hours to prepare for an interview.
I lost a bunch of people I was once very close to in the past year post-graduation, and cut off someone very dear to me. It hurt a lot but it also took tons of guts and thinking. In a way it was me realising that I don’t have time to cling onto people growing in different directions from me.
I got rejected by every overseas university i applied to, but you can read about that here.
Probably more uncool to you guys than to me but still haven’t been in a relationship (no holding hands till 60! Boys have cooties!). I guess I don't have the time to, and haven’t met anyone who fascinates me enough. Nonetheless, I refuse to lower my standards and will continue to say to people who think that “being in a relationship = being loved” and vice versa that that mindset is just sad. It implies that one is incapable of loving themselves without being tied to anyone else. I’m satisfied and confident in my independence and aloneness!
I don’t think I’ve gotten a proper break since i graduated but it's okay. I acknowledge my workaholic tendencies.
I'm learning to say no to things. I'm scared of being peer pressured into situations I don’t want to be in in university, but at least I’m self-aware of the pending problem.
I've been mentally and emotionally better since my SOTA career ended and since leaving toxic friendships behind, but i still return to old coping mechanisms at times. There's always a behind the scenes to unpack to the cool and uncool. I've been a lot happier lately though, and learning to define my own happiness into satisfaction. In this moment, I'm satisfied. “Happy”.
My person, my beliefs, and my values have changed a lot since I was 15 or 16. I don't know for better or for worse, but I know I lost my sense of self and fire for life along the way and it's something I'm still finding.
I still think I’m terribly mean and judgemental at times, but I'm working on being nicer and less presumptuous. Notes to self.
I know that university will be a tough time with the essentially vertical learning curve. Furthermore, stepping into the new environment means that, for the first time, I’m equipped with the money, time, energy, and freedom to "find myself", or whatever that means. I'm actually really scared of both workload and learning to navigate new social conventions. I have goals I'm working towards (shorter-term now) in the next 2 years or so, and I hope they materialise. Otherwise you’ll see another extensive reflection on why I failed.
Regardless, I'm so excited for the possibilities, but also so apprehensive and petrified. Everyone I've met in orientation thus far has been the absolute sweetest though, hence I have high hopes! Also, I am committing to say "hi" to everyone I know and see in the hallway, even acquaintances for my entire university journey –– as pointless as I think it is. Please hold me accountable.
Anyway, happy 19th birthday to me. I can't wait for the stories in store. <3
